Realization

"The strangest thing happened the last time I saw him.
The most unexpected thought crawled into my mind as he was joking around with the rest of them. We have nothing to say to each other, we don't even look at each other with interest anymore. And now that the physical thing between us has run its course, there is no reason for us to interact, to see or to even think about the other.
When these thoughts occurred to me, there was a calmness floating through my mind, along with the realization that should have come to me sooner: no matter for how long I did not see it, the truth had been there for years. It just took seeing him clearly for me to finally comprehend that there never was and never will be a true friendship between us. This must all seem quite repetitive, and I must apologize for that, dear Kitty, but you are the companion that never retorts or laughs inadequately or hiccups at the wrong moment during our conversations. And most importantly, you knew him too, through my eyes and your own. A blessing and a curse, both in disguise.
Now we are rid of him, of thoughts that would start with the likes of "what if we ended up in bed together again" and end with, let's be honest, a few graphic images. Now we are rid of him. Now we are rid of him.
No matter how many times I repeat it to myself, and inevitably to you my dear, I await a sensation of sadness and a feeling of loss to slowly make its descent upon me. It has not done so, and I know that it will not ever come to that. He is gone, lost to me, in a good way. He is there, should I want to talk to him, but at the same time, he is gone from my world.
You felt it too, did you not? You know what I mean.
You knew before I did that there was nothing more between us and you just wanted me to find out on my own, not to be influenced by your opinions, my sweetest friend.
And I love you dearly for it."